**- my god, my tourniquet [derek]

[isabella rose xavier]

i CAN feel the PRESSURE !

its GETTING closer NOW !

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Isabella was standing in front of the sink in her dormitory. She had just come from a talk, not that she did much talking with one of the many therapist that worked at the asylum. While she had been in the office the doctor had turned their back and she had slipped the small glass front from a miniature picture frame of the doctor and her family. Looking at the glass in her hand she hit it on the water tap and left the extra pieces in the sink, taking the largest jagged piece of the lot. With the shard of glass in her hand she dragged it across her skin, crimson liquid spilling from the break in the skin, doing the same on her other arm she closed her eyes and dropped the shard to the ground it breaking into two pieces as she let the blood flow from her arms.

Blood dripped to the ground forming little splatters slowly forming into a pool. Maybe this time she would succeed in death. Every other time she had, she had some how been caught. It was either some passing by patient that had a big mouth and didn't understand or a warden or other staff member. Sometimes a parent or other family stopping by to check on a loved one they had shoved into the asylum against their will. She didn't want to stain the room with her blood but this seemed to be the only place she could cut in peace when she managed to get a hold of something sharp.

Isabella was wearing a red plaid mini skirt with a black tank top and above the knee black and red fishnet stockings with her converse sneakers, with a black rose clip in her red hair, a pentagram necklace and rose and vine ring with rose thorn and skull earrings as well as a stuffed belt with a red smokey eye make up look with heavy liner and mascara. The crimson flowed down her arms alighting and iron-salty scent in the air. If she was lucky these would be the wounds that wouldn't scar and she'd finally be free of this world. Her father wouldn't have to put money in this place any more or worry about her. She would no longer have to deal with cruelties and lack of feelings.

She slipped in her blood and fell to the floor. The blood flowing through the grout in the tiles like water in a moat and it soaking into the material of her clothes. She crawled in her blood as she tried to get back to sit up only to smear her blood against the tub and counter of the small bathroom. That's when she heard it a faint noise. Talking, Urgent talking. The door was locked to her bathroom. The talking was getting closer but it was faint just the same. Her eyes were shut she wasn't aware of how much blood she had lost. Not that she cared.

Isabella fell into darkness. Banging on the door and Urgent voices, upon her deaf ears as the darkness rose from below and swallowed her. Death was Peaceful. Life was not. More darkness and a annoying beeping. She growled. She hadn't died she knew that sound all to well unless it was to haunt her in her death as well. Slowly her eyes moved below the lids and her eyes opened, being assaulted by the lights above. Grimacing at the blinding light reeking havoc upon her sensitive eyes she looked around and sighed. The therapist must have realized the glass was absent in her frame and set out to look for the one who took it.

Once again she was in the last place she wanted to be. They had stopped her again and she was still alive. Next person to approach her was really gonna get an earful. Her anger already starting to boil. Apparently these people were cruel and liked to keep her alive, keep her disappointed with the fact she wasn't dead with every time she woke up in the god damn infirmary. Why couldn't they just let her die? She'd be doing everyone some good. No one wanted her, No one loved her, No one cared to even look at her unless it was a nosy doctor of some sort trying to act like they cared.

Looking to her left she groaned there was a spirit sitting on the chair tucked away, was it here to mock her once again failed suicide attempt? That's usually why one came around when she was stuck in a bed, to mock her failed suicide,

well, well, well. Isabella once again you find yourself in a hospital bed rather than a morgue. this is getting quite old, don't you think? when are you gonna finally die and join us?

The spirit asked with a mocking tone. The spirit was a female probably in her teens a dress from the fifties. It looked like a prom dress she never got to take off. Sighing and giving a groan Isabella closed her eyes - Willing the spirit to go away. She opened her eyes to find the spirit still there, checking their make-up.

"Can't you fuck off. You guys sing the same song every time this happens. Now that is older than my fail suicides."

She snapped and rolled her eyes. The spirit made a snort and stood and walked off disappearing. It was once again silent in the miniature hospital. How long had she been out of it this time she wondered. Last time she was out for a couple of days. Looking at her bandaged arms that itched she shot a glare at the annoying beeping machine. They could come at least turn the damn thing off. It was obvious she wasn't dead. Unless they wanted to drive her insane with a fucked up version of Chinese torture. That's when she heard a door open and shut.

Yay, I have company, Fan-Fucking-tastic!

She thought sarcastically as she moved around a bit her flaming red hair becoming messier with its ruffling contact with the pillow beneath it. Maybe they would send her on her marry way. Of course she would probably soon find herself in isolation, if she were that unlucky. Hopefully they would let her walk out the front door. She didn't belong in this place. They should just let her out.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

wordCOUNT:: 1072
currentMOOD:: bored
currentSONG:: evil angel - breaking benjamin
characterOUTFIT:: click here
taggedFOR:: derek
writersCOMMENTS:: This is probably my longest post on here to date. I figured this was the best location especially if its after her suicide attempt - yay for broken glass! XD

[derek james webber]

DerekJammesWebber

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I can feel the pain
Sounds of the broken heart
It still beats the same
Sounds of the broken heart

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Daylight and another boring day at the asylum. The doctor which was giving a nickname of being 'McDreamy' was due to the fact he love too daydream and often have his head in the clouds. Sometimes the nurses would be wondering why he was in just loving mood. Maybe it's girl the whispers would start to say. But of course Derek kept it a secret and wouldn't tell a soul. His car was very noticeable, being the normal Peugeot. the different is that his was 207cc, turbo diesel with around 200 horsepower making it fast and very impressive for any girl, which wanted to ride with him. Today Derek was careful on what shirt he was wearing, since he examined an old patient who tired too make out with him. Of course this was against the hospital rules and doctor code, so he quickly applied another transfer from Greystown before anyone found out about it.

Eerie sounds of patients screaming from being manhandled by their doctors. Derek never agreed with this treatment, he believes in talking to the patients, gaining they trust and eventually they would open and respect you. Walking into the hospital and he nodded too few of the staff at the hospital, he was careful on the sex thing he did with Jasey a secret. Since he could lose his license or worst be jailed. Walking onwards more a old patient of his came towards him smiling and Derek shook his hand back, it was really nice to have a patient who was frighten of you and then eventually trust you and respect you. This was proof that his methods was working, and you didn't have to be violent, or use sedatives all the time. Don't get him wrong Derek would inject sedatives if he have too, but it would be as last resort can of thing. Sedatives weren't very nice, and most of the time, the patient would eventually become hooked onto them and relay on them to keep calm, which would cause more harm in their own way.

Rolling his blue crystal eyes as one of the staff which he never got long with, pushed him against the wall and left. Derek pulled himself again and went into his office. His right arm was stinging him now. Taking his normal brown jacket off, he saw his arm was cutted. Not that badly, it was superficial which would heal around three - five days. Grabbing some cotton wool and detrol disinfectant which was coloured brown and was used for household applications as well. You can even bath in it as it was good for your skin. Derek screamed a little as the pain was unbearable, he may be a doctor but he hated pain. On himself and too patients. Two minutes later the cut have stopped stinging him and bleeding, he grabbed a blue band aid and place it around the cut. It was done and he was able to work now as normal now.

Evening sun was beginning to shine through the window, making the office light and happy, instead of dark and gloomily. Derek would have to wish that his office was somewhere else as this was way too depressing for him and worst still to the patients. He turned the lamp on despite it being just ten o'clock in the morning. Rubbing his eyes as he was very tired. In fact he was up most of the night last night, he couldn't sleep due to the fact he still have flashbacks on what his ex-wife did too him.. Coming back from his daydreaming he placed his lab coat on showing he was on duty now and ready for patients to examine professionally and not the other way.

Keeping an eye on the time he knew his first appointment was around eleven o'clock. There was still thirty minutes before that time comes, so he began to update his patients chart. . Rubbing his blue tired eyes he got back to the paper work which was one of the downside of being a doctor. It was also the most boring part of the job. But it was needed so the medications were right for each patient and the condition was monitored. This way Derek was able to see the patient was ready for release or not, or if he needed to up the dosage etc. Resting his head onto his left hand, he began to fall sleep, seeing he wasn't expecting anyone for thirty minutes, so it was prefect for him to catch up on some sleep, as his shift was going to last forty hours at least.

Then suddenly he heard a knock on his office door a nurse came running in asking for his assistance and he nodded. Grabbing his white lab coat he ran, following the nurse closely. He saw one of the patients lying on the floor bleeding really bad. Get me a gurney now SAT! he raise her arm up and appiled pressure on the wound. Couldn't wait for the nurse too get they act together and bring him a gurney he lifted her helpless body and ran with it towards the infirmary so he was able too treat her. Placing the stethoscope into his ears, he started too listen too her heart seeing what happening, her blood pressure was low and he knew that by the amount of blood she was losing.

Seeing the problem was the blood loss he placed an IV in her vein on the fourth attempt due too the fact her veins were weak from the blood loss. Slowly he place the blood up and gave her transfusion. He then began too stitch her arm and looked at Isabella and smiled. Hello there he spoke friendly as he stitched her arm up. He really hoped she wouldn't hurt him like the other patient did too him. His left eye was bruise as he had a black eye. So tell me why did you try and kill yourself for? He asked as he kept on stitching her wound up and finally he placed idone on the wound which might make it sting a little and he began too bandage around the arm and wound, while he waited for her reply back.

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WORDCOUNT ::: one.zero.four.five
TAGGED ::: isbella
LOCATION ::: hospital
OUTFIT ::: white shirt (covered in blood on left side), navy scrub pants, blue trainers and white lab coat
TEMPLATE ::: (c) Derek @ Hevan Help Us

[isabella rose xavier]

i CAN feel the PRESSURE !

its GETTING closer NOW !

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Isabella felt the slight poking and prodding of her arm. If her arm was just being stitched up she came out of it sooner than she figured she would, being she had once again failed to die. Her hazel eyes focused on the doctor stitching her forearm up. Blinking a few times, still adjusting to the bright lights. She never had been a fan of bright atmosphere's. Her eyes always having been somewhat sensitive.

Frowning at him she looked at her arm that was now being bandaged up. The sting of the iodine was nothing to her she was use to pain, she liked pain. But that wasn't the reason she cut herself. It never had been. She felt as if she didn't belong among the living like she was better off in a box six feet under and horizontal. Yet unless an atomic bomb dropped she felt that her death would never occur because once again someone had found her and stopped her. Well not exactly stopped her but kept her amongst the living.

Her eyes focused and adjusted to the lights finally and she looked up at the Doctor as he spoke. He had been the one that kept her around in the godforsaken world of the living. Along with whoever else had been responsible for discovering her. Her eyes were sparking with anger. She didn't understand why they wouldn't just leave her to bleed out. It would be one less person they had to take care of... Then again that was also one less fat check they dragged in to snatch with greedy hands and shove into their pockets.

Isabella wasn't exactly a happy camper right now. Her eyes were alight with a boiling anger that was simmering in her blood. Well what was now her blood - when it was once someone else. Snatching her arm from him with cat like reflexes she stared him down with a hard look. It was none of his business on why she tried to kill herself. Her motives were her own and he didn't nor wouldn't understand.

"Why I tried to kill myself is none of your damn business. Why would you care anyways? Its not like you'd understand so I am not gonna waste my breath."

She snapped and crossed her arms. Isabella did her best to ignore him. His sincerity was baffling her she didn't understand it and believed it was all a charade that he was like the rest and didn't care. No one cared around here. No one understood unless it was another patient in the same boat as you were. Then they understood - to a small degree. His caring demeanor was all a facade. He was trying to trick her, to get into her head and she wasn't gonna fall for that game. It was an old one. One she knew all to well.

Her hazel eyes were narrowed. A look of deadly intent residing in them along side with the anger and hate towards the man that had "saved" her life. He was just another notch on the totem pole of people who had saved her when she didn't want or need saving. They all tried to play wonder woman and super man to get a bragging right to say i saved someones life and then in an undertone continue even though they didn't want or need me too because they tried to off themselves.

She had played the role of their damsel in distress for far to long and it was really starting to eat at her. You would think the people would get it through their thick skulls some people didn't want to live. That some people didn't have anything to live for or someone to show them that their life was worth living, and she was one of those people. Yet unlike most she had ghost telling her she was better off dead and beckoning to the other side.

Isabella had nothing better to do than listen and nod in agreement. She was a fucked up disaster. Her mother was dead and her father tossed her here so he could go play big tough hero in the war. Which is why she had broke all contact with him and hadn't spoken to him in years. He wanted her here instead of accepting the fact his baby girl was a whacked out psycho who saw dead people and heard voices and wanted o die. Or at least that was how she saw things even if there was a twinge of guilt when she thought of the way she kicked her father to the curb after he had placed her here on shrink's orders.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

wordCOUNT:: 783
currentMOOD:: bored
currentSONG:: dirty little secret - all american rejects
characterOUTFIT:: click here
taggedFOR:: derek
writersCOMMENTS:: n.a

[derek james webber]

YOU CAN FEEL THE POUNDING WRAPPED AROUND YOUR CHEST
DEREKJAMESWEBBER

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NOTHING'S TOO EXCESSIVE WHEN YOU'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT
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Derek was still treating the wound on the girl's arm. He was getting fed up with all the yelling and abused from the patients. He was really close of quitting and just throw in the towel. He was trying his best too help these people, but he wasn't getting anything back from them. Did they even give him the chance too show he wasn't like the other doctors. He was in fact a kind and decent guy who, loves too help people? So he was going too throw in the towel now. The ivory, woolly towel.

His face changed as he was already fighting with a huge breakdown. He shouldn't have been working right now as he was still recovering from his own problems. Derek then sat on the chair and began to dig the black ball point pen into the white paper, showing anger and stress for the first time in front of a patient. He was unable too keep it in anymore. "Why I tried to kill myself is none of your damn business. Why would you care anyways? Its not like you'd understand so I am not gonna waste my breath." He just had enough, and threw her file on the floor.

He was sick of trying too be kind and understanding, when he was getting it thrown back into his face. Going towards Izzy now being really aggressive towards her. This wasn't like him, it was mainly his PSTD playing up, no one knew he suffers from it. Expect his ex wife and she wasn't around and was the one making it really worst. Fine! I give up trying too help you! You want too kill yourself! Fine, I wouldn't help you anymore! I am sick of you all shouting and yelling at me, while I am trying my best too help you! You think your the only one having problems? You think your the only one who was abandoned, dumped and screw around with? He stopped leaning onto the unit, his hands were shaking deeply.

He grabbed a scaplel and gave it too her. HERE! Take and silce yourself! Take the easy way out! Don't worry I wouldn't help you this time. I would simple go against the code of being a doctor and allow you to die. He said still shaking, picking up a chart, he went over too his desk in the middle of the infirmary and tired too calm down. He was on medication himself for his PSTD, but he haven't been taken them for while. Reaching into his breast pocket and he pulled out a pill bottle and took two pink coloured pills, with a plastic cup of water. He then began to fill in some paper-work. He really cared about Isabella. But he was hurt that she didn't trust him and gave him a chance.

Slowly he was beginning too calm down and waited too see what Isabella would do. While he waited he began too fill in the report of what happened just know, as he was being unprofessional with the actions he took. So basically he was in more trouble than Isabella was.

WE'RE ALL HERE CAUSE WE LOST CONTROL WE'RE ALL HERE CAUSE
WELOSTCONTROL

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WE'RE ALL HERE CAUSE WE LOST CONTROL WE'RE ALL HERE CAUSE[/center]

[isabella rose xavier]

i CAN feel the PRESSURE !

its GETTING closer NOW !

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Isabella was glaring at him. By now they usually had carted her off to isolation if they weren't one of the more supposedly caring doctors. She hadn't expected him to scream at her. To be honest that was the last thing she had expected. But on further inspection on her half she could tell he was about to snap.

She looked at the scaple he had handed to her that was now laying on a thin, poor excuse for a blanket. Her fingers ran over the cool metal as she heard a distant whisper. egging her on telling her to do it. To pick up the scaple and kill herself. Whispering where to stick the sharpened surgical blade so even if he did tried to save her he wouldn't be able to.

Her fingers closed around the blade and she picked it up. Looking at it as the light caught it and caused it to glint in a way that could catch anyone's attention. Looking at the blade she tried the drowned out the whispers only she could hear. Suffocate them and silence them,

Shaking her head almost in a violent fashion that may give a person whiplash she chucked the blade across the room it landing on the tiled floor with a clinking clatter that echoed around the silent room. Her outstretched hand that had sent the blade flying across the room slowly fell and rested back on her lap and she looked at him,

"Why, Why do you care?"

She asked quietly her red hair falling into her hazel eyes messily. She didn't understand it. Most doctors would hardly care. If it wasn't for their jobs on the line they'd probably just step over any bleeding body they found lying around. Then again not just the bleeding bodies, any bodies.

She could still hear the voices, and she was well aware of the spirit standing in the room asking her if she was crazy and why didn't she take the offered chance to kill herself. Running her hands through her red hair her fingers locked through it tightly as she drew her knees up to her chest just wishing it would all end. the voice, the spirits, everything.

Isabella felt the wetness on her cheeks and kept her head down forehead on her knees. She never had been one for shedding tears. Quite frankly she hated crying all together, even more so in doing it in front of others.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

wordCOUNT:: 441
currentMOOD:: bored
currentSONG:: dirty little secret - all american rejects
characterOUTFIT:: click here
taggedFOR:: derek
writersCOMMENTS:: awe you made her cry XD

[reena maire gardens]

(I'll try and post with Derek 2night! I have been museless due too depression right now)