Post by jennifer siobhan wright on Sept 13, 2010 16:37:53 GMT -5
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Jennifer was in dire need of some company. She had been alone, effectively, all day, although there had been people with her and around her. She had had a gruelling four hour session with a psychologist who pretended to be able to empathize with her, but Jennifer wasn't dumb enough to fall for that old trick. Think that someone understands you here, and you'll fall into their arms and cry and admit everything that led to your condition, even if you didn't realise it yourself until you listened back. Jennifer knew why she was there, but she also knew that this place was probably as good as any. She wasn't going to get better. She didn't even want to get better. She just wanted to be away from Ryan, even when she just wanted him back in her bed and her arms, telling her what to do, relieving all the stress from her life and taking it as his own.
She was complex, and she knew it, but she couldn't do a thing about it. No matter how badly Ryan had treated her, he had conditioned her in such a way that she couldn't truly hate him. Sometimes, late at night when she could hear moans of pain, pleasure, or both coming from surrounding rooms, she even missed him. She could imagine he was there, and whimper with need as she followed his rules (no getting herself off without his permission), but that didn't help anyone. In fact, it probably only made things worse. All credit to her, Jennifer knew this. She just didn't feel a burning need to change. She liked the way she was, although she wouldn't mind losing the stutter, and she was loathe to change, unless someone told her to. If the staff at BRI had known this, she would have been home almost as soon as she had arrived, looking and seeming to the outside world as if she had been cured. However, keeping her here ensured her mother's money, and that's all anyone was ever about any more.
Jennifer had skipped dinner. She wasn't really hungry, and she didn't deserve it for lying to the psychotherapist, even though that's what Ryan would have wanted. Lying was bad, and it deserved punishment. Instead of going to the dinner hall with everyone else, Jennifer sat in the corner of what passed as a common room. There was little there apart from chairs, and a dismantled clock. A few board games with missing pieces, or bites taken out of the game board, and a couple of dog eared books from the library that had been abandoned for the universal reason - it was shit. Situating herself on the floor with her back to the cold, dark, dirty wall, Jennifer stared off into space, her mind wandering. She didn't notice when her hand rose to her mouth, and she started to bite the side of her thumb - a sure sign that she was thinking thoughts that were rude and that she had forbidden herself to think - with anxious nibbles.----------
status: complete
word count: 515
date&time: 20th august, roughly 7pm
tag: anyone
outfit: clickers
notes: [/font][/size]
